The Printer's Guide To The Galaxy
by BabelShift
Summary: A unfinished adventure through space-time-comedy continuum. It involves some reference to 3d printing, but do not be scared, it's rubbish. Hope you enjoy it and DON'T PANIC.


The Printer's Guide To The Galaxy

Chapter 1

The Universe. Someone once called it a marvelous place to live in, but most think it is just rubbish. The Universe is flat, as a consequence infinite (or was it the other way around?). Many years ago a planet which did not seem promising for the rest of living beings, was destroyed. However, as everything in this rubbish Universe, there is always someone who looks into the bin and decides to make a change for the world and shouts on the street that green is the new pink. Fortunately for those not so promising beings on Earth (the planet/computer), in the vast infinity of space an idea provoked an action and a psychiatric hospital received a new and very nice patient. This patient's name was A-known.

Chapter 2

The year was 2019. Nothing very serious had happened yet. TV continued to show the ridiculously mind-boggling catastrophes around the world and the west dropped a tears in their very expensive coffee. But the one thing that was taking over the minds of thousands of scientists and engineers was not to be mentioned. It was the Printing Revolution.  
For decades (a very short amount of) people had struggled with laser printers in office, sweating and bleeding to get that one copy of a report they knew the boss didn't want but ordered anyway, thus increasing exponentially the number of very happy people that strangely wore a white jacket and drooled. With the coming of the Tech, the slaves of bureaucracy (and sculpture) were set free to walk on the land as gods. Anyone(1) could now create the object of their desire (surprisingly digital watches were not the number one print). Buildings were planted with clay bricks that fit perfectly, "do it yourself" furniture was replaced with good quality, not bending materials. And so began a new era on Earth.

This did not escape the eyes that had constantly watched our planet for thirty years, eyes that belonged to serious people that adored the living mind and very frequently visited A-known in his cubicle. A committee had been ordered by the self-labeled "President of thy Galaxy", a not so astonishing politician as the former-former Zaphod B. The committee had the authority to "search and seek" any particular human being that behaved suspiciously. The purpose behind this puppeteering was know to few and A-known was to be interrogated until new evidence were to pop up. No one really cared about the human race until a few years ago, but a remotely, infinitely small percentage of the universe thought that Mankind would actually have a chance.

(1) As amusing this might not be, The Hitchhiker's Guide (now in social networking format) has this to say about Anyone: Anyone, a word people often say with the opposite meaning of what they want to say. If a smiling sells-man ever speaks to you on the street and swears that "anyone can afford this", don't buy it. If a strangely right inclined politician states "Anyone can go up in their career", don't buy it. It's as simple as this: People, very awful people, get their kicks by ruining others lives and then say "See, that's not so bad. I know people that actually live worse than you." and "Well, anyone can get to my position in society and be happy". Forget it. Almost everyone in the galaxy is miserably sad and the only ones that give a damn about you are hiding somewhere in a cave banging their heads against the wall.

Chapter 3

There were new white and green cushions. OK, they were just white until the committee administered a new drug in the morning tea of A-known. He began screaming he was a snail and the green thing happened. The only logical words they got from him were I think we all are a salad bowl of cultures and attacked the President's leg. Xanx Froidless murmured something about getting a new suit as the "guest" was taken to his cell. He walked something around a mile through a labyrinth of cheese (Presidents have their likes) and opened a control panel to the outside of the ship. He pressed a lot of buttons, perhaps too many, but the result was what he expected. A big silver cube with moveable arms appeared. It was monstrous and Xanx loved it. He took another but smaller cube from his pocket and introduced it into the hardware of the machine. There was a voice.  
"Are you sure that this is what you want?" it roared.  
"Yes, make it and make it fast".  
The machine began rumbling and a fine yellow filament descended from a claw and formed a golden brick.  
"Excellent" and he smashed it on his head with pleasure.


End file.
